Lately I've been feeling like I'm going through another growth spurt (figuratively speaking). I spent 7 years in school working my ass of toward a degree I didn't think I was capable of getting, and I managed to land the dream job a year after graduating. I've moved to a new place where I don't know anybody, and have been forced to rebuild my life once again, and you know, it's been a good ride so far. I'm meeting some great people, and the experience itself will be something I remember forever. However, I can't shake this feeling that something is missing, or doesn't quite fit just right, and I can't explain it, or maybe I can but doing so would require revealing truths I'm not currently willing to acknowledge.
Space has always been my passion, and not just looking at stars on a clear night, but everything about space itself. The size of it knowing that all of the light we see from the stars is light that took at minimum of 8 years (if you're looking at Sirius) to get here or over a 16,000 years (if looking V762 Cas). Or the processes that occur, like the death of stars, formations of black holes, neutron stars, gamma ray bursts, or the seemingly miraculous way life forms from as if nothing at all. All I've ever wanted to do is travel the cosmos, ever since I was a little girl with a telescope, looking at other planets in our solar system, wishing to be anywhere out there as long as it's not here. And as fate would have it, I managed to land myself a job where I have an opportunity to move into the very field that would let me do that.
The problem is, I am deeply concerned with the current state of the world, and the country. There are people that are pretty much trying to send us back to the dark ages of racial, gender, sexual, and religious (or lack thereof) discrimination. They're trying to destroy our environment, kick people off healthcare, and take away our right to information. This is truly a scary time to be alive, and if all of that wasn't bad enough, we're also on the brink of war because the douche fuck can't stay off his twitter account, it's like he thinks this is a TV show and he's trying to promote ratings.
And if all of that wasn't bad enough, it's the holiday shopping season, the one time of the year where the worst parts of humanity come out all for the sake of an Xbox. I wonder if people actually understand how horrific their behavior is? Do they feel ashamed knowing they contributed to the death of a person who was trampled to death at a black Friday sale? This time of year displays nothing but pure, uninhibited chaos, and people don't see anything wrong with that, they just laugh, post videos and pictures, and go on about their day. This behavior has become normal, which is quite possibly the scariest part of it all.
So with all of that being said, what is one to do when the state of the world is so messed up, and with no end in sight? It's been causing me to seriously reconsider my career aspirations. I've always wanted to be able to help people, not just through volunteering at a shelter, but doing something that makes a big difference in this world. Like quitting my job to travel overseas to teach math or English, or help build houses for families in Africa, or help them bring clean drinking water. I've even thought about being a foster mom, to help abandoned kids get a second shot in this world. I could still pursue the space dream jobs, sure, but I have a hard time sitting idly while the world is destroyed by the soullessly greedy. How is it fair that I can accomplish my dreams (yes I know I've worked very hard to earn), when there are others out there who aren't even given a chance to accomplish theirs? I know that's the way it's always been and the way it'll always be, and we live in an "every man for himself" society, but it still doesn't stop me from wishing it could be different, that we could be different.
